Ficus Fortunas

Brian Kaltbier, a perfectly ordinary man in every way, has been making a lot of friends lately. All seemed interested in his well being. Will he choose to side with those who favor his continued well being? Or will he embrace those who would like to see him ground up into a fine paste and exported as a lubricant for farm machinery? A seemingly simple choice. But how many of us have considered the importance of third world agriculture and the lubrication thereof?This book has nothing to do with third world agriculture. And only makes fleeting references to lubrication. It is simply a comedic tale of one mans unexpected, and grossly unprepared for, thrust into a life that most people only read about in books (ahem).70% comedy, 15% action, 10% sci-fi, 3% romance, and 2% additives and fillers. These numbers may not be entirely accurate because, courtesy of the author, the literary statistician who audited the book was boozed up on tequila at the time. In fact, the author is standing over my shoulder as I type this now. A very funny book. Read it. Read it. Read it. Can I go to the bathroom now?