Zen Dipietro

Dodging Fate Zen Dipietro

So, I'm a redshirt. I come from a long line of redshirts. I denied it for a long time, but when your family members have a habit of getting decapitated, impaled, or just plain dematerialized, you eventually have to face facts. My dad had his spine removed from his body when a member of his crew de-evolved into what I can only describe as a cross between an alligator and a yeti. A yeti-gator, as we now refer to it. My uncle was bitten by a phase-shifted arachnid and unintentionally relocated to an alternative universe that didn't have oxygen. I mean, seriously. Try calculating those odds. My grandmother was happily baking cookies when a cyborg transported into her kitchen and assimilated her. Technically, she's still alive, and she does send me cookies every now and then, but to be honest, they taste like shit. Cyborgs have no idea how to make proper cookies. My great-grandfather had just landed a cargo ship full of rutabagas when a nearby ship malfunctioned and shot a harpoon straight into the cockpit. A frigging harpoon. It doesn't even make sense. You know what else? I have no idea what rutabagas are used for. There are more examples, but relating the tragic demises of the majority of my family members is bumming me out. Do you have any idea how depressing family reunions are for a redshirt? Charlie Kenny has a fork phobia, a cyborg nana, and more bad luck than a black cat breaking a mirror on April Fool's Day. He's on his way into space for the first time, and it's bound to go epically wrong. Take off on the Second Chance with Charlie and see the wonders of the universe. Courteous porters will make sure you don't miss any of the sights, whether it's blagrooks gnawing on the circuitry or a violent pink mutant doing some killer dance moves. The bar is open around the clock for your pleasure, but don't make the bartender angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry. (She's the pink mutant.) Keep an eye out for Greta Saltz, the Chance Fleet brand ambassador-no doubt you've already seen her on the lightstream. She never loses her bright smile, even when we're headed right into a disaster, Uh, did we say disaster? We meant adventure! You'll get nothing but good memories from your trip, guaranteed.** As always, we thank you for choosing the Chance Fleet. Have a wonderful journey. **This is not a contractually binding legal claim. Assurance of pleasant memories not guaranteed. This If you require contractual clarity, please contact our legal representatives at the law offices of Pound, Sand, and Dhye. If you love unexpected twists, laugh-out-loud humor, and rooting for the underdog, you'll love Dodging Fate. It's like Spaceballs had a bad dream about Galaxy Quest, and then some hapless redshirt inexplicably showed up and face-planted in the middle of the action. Laugh your way through some sci-fi comedy. Especially if you have nothing better to do.